Watching

Dropping my 5 year old off at school, I had the sudden memory of leaving Saipan for the last time. When Harrison left after Christmas for the MTC, it was the middle of the night; one of the rare times we left Mom completely alone after she was bedridden. Alone to miss & mourn the son she would never see again. Dad stayed at the glass doors, watching Harrison go through customs & security. He stayed there watching long after Harrison had waved goodbye & disappeared. 

It was so sad. So sad & so powerful. He did the same when Carter & I boarded a flight six months later, only that time he drove home alone to an empty house. I wonder if he knew then, as Mom did that January, that he'd never see me or Harrison in person again. If he somehow knew to stretch the moment out as long as possible.

I think it is a pain only parents know. Watching your child long after they've stopped watching you. Feeling their absence like a symptom. Sitting in the front seat, watching him run joyfully to stand among classmates, confident I will be there when he comes home.